Holiday tips from the therapist for couples

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Vacation tips from the therapist: Couples expect too much from a vacation together

“The vacation was terrible. We have been arguing all the time. ”Couple therapists often hear this sentence. Dariush Barsfeld, author and couple therapist from Darmstadt explains why vacationing together is fraught with conflict and how couples can avoid quarrels.

Avoid bad compromises
"Everyday life covers many problems that become visible on vacation," reports Barsfeld. Couples often made bad compromises. "If he wants to go to the mountains and they go to the sea, it is nonsense to agree on an excavated lake in the Harz Mountains," says the couple therapist. "This is a lot-less situation. That makes both of them unhappy. ”It is better to spend your vacation by the sea and the next in the mountains. The same applies to holiday activities. If he wants to go to the golf course and she wants to go to the beach, you can have a beach day and a golf day, says Barsfeld. "But you don't always have to want to do everything together," emphasizes the expert. "Going separate ways on vacation is not a drama."

It was unrealistic that problems on holiday would solve themselves. "It is always dangerous if the vacation is seen as a repair shop of life," reports Barsfeld. "He can't do that at all." Because vacation often means long flights, heat, an unfamiliar environment, and sometimes stress and anger in the hotel. Barsfeld warns that anyone who expects too much romance and gigantic sex will inevitably be disappointed.

Social educator Gritli Bertram from Hanover advises couples not to overestimate a dispute on vacation: "While there is little time for detailed discussions in everyday life, sometimes there is too much of it on vacation." It is quite normal that there are sometimes conflicts when the partners see each other little and 24 hours a day during the holiday. To prevent this, couples should also consciously take time for themselves outside of the holiday. (ag)

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