Relationships: Sex as an instrument of power for women



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Psychology: women use sex more often than men

If you have no or very little sex in your partnership for several months, you should think about the reasons. According to psychologists, sexuality is often used as an instrument of power in relationships. As a rule, it is women who try to influence their partner in this way. It is often the beginning of a vicious cycle in which the relationship falls by the wayside.

Socialization through mothers In many long-term relationships, sexuality only plays a subordinate role. If couples have no traffic for several months, psychologists advise that physical proximity be used as an instrument of power. “Most people are not even aware of this. Then they say ‘I don’t feel like teasing me’, ’says psychologist and author Felicitas Heyne. Often, however, there is a power game behind it, which is about only giving the partner what they want when they do what is expected of them. This quickly creates a vicious circle in which one feels like a victim and the other feels permanently punished.

The psychologist explains that it is often women who restrict sexual intercourse. "This is based on ideas that girls have received from their mothers, like 'Sex is something that men have more fun than women." In this way, an image was created from a young age in which the act was an option to influence the partner .

If couples can rule out stress or physical causes for a break, the calm in bed is always a warning signal for the relationship. "If nothing runs between the two, it is a sign that things are going wrong in other areas of the relationship," says Heyne. Instead of talking to each other about it, many couples would rather play down the lack of sexuality.

Sexuality is an important part of the partnership Sexuality should not be neglected in a relationship, because physical proximity plays an important role. Couples can, for example, schedule fixed dates for sexual intercourse. “Many couples think that this is unromantic. For everything else in their lives, however, they are ready to schedule fixed times, ”reports Heyne. This can increase anticipation.

In order to stimulate sexuality again, children should not spend the night in their parents' bedroom permanently, explains the psychologist. An exception should only be made if the child is sick and requires physical proximity to the parents. Children are an erotic killer. The parent role is by no means sexy. "If you have your children with you in your bedroom every night, you never slip out of the role of parent, not even for a few minutes."

Loyalty in the partnership is very important A happy partnership also includes loyalty and mutual trust. This applies equally to men and women. A recent GFK survey found that 64 percent of men and 65 percent of women believe that loyalty in a partnership is the most important thing. A comparison with a survey on the same question from three years ago reveals that little has changed in this attitude. Back then, 65 percent of the survey participants said that loyalty was the most important asset of a partnership. However, there are changes in communication between couples. In 2001, 46 percent of men and women said conversations were very important. In 2011, it was 52 percent. Fundamental freedoms are also an important element of a relationship for 46 percent of those surveyed. In 2001 it was only 36 percent. In addition to loyalty, 61 percent stated that mutual trust and honesty were particularly important. In 2001, however, it was still 76 percent. (ag)

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Video: Why women are afraid to initiate sex?


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